The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
