Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
