I think I am morally bankrupt
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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