She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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