remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
