Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
