dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
