hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have aggressive nipples.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
