its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
