Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
