The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
