it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
