I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
