I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
