I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
