dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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