I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
