Four minutes until I can fart!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
