just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
