They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
