i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
