i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
