he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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