hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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