Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
