Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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