i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
