9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
