Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
