i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
