Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
