she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
