saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
