What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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