You really coming over, don't trick.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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