You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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