Got a toothbrush?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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