what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
