Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
