i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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