Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
