So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
