dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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