He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
