Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
