I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
