I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
