btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
