My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The adults are the big ones right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
