I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
