So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
