Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
